Can Vampires Get Sugar High?
by Seth's Biggest Fan
Summary: Carlisle is Gangsta, Esme is rebellious, and Jasper is peppy? What is causing this insanity? Read and find out! My first FanFic.
1. Chapter 1

Twilight Stories

_Carlizzle, the Gangsta Doctor_

Nurse White was anticipating the end of her shift. It was a busy day at Forks General, which was unusual in a town with a population of two thousand. Once Dr. Carlisle Cullen arrived to baby-sit the needy patient in room 203, she would be free to go home and sleep.

The monotony was broken as she heard the unmistakable thudding of rap music over a car's stereo outside. The front door swung open as a young man stepped through the door.

He was wearing two-sizes-too-big high top sneakers and denim shorts that reached his ankles. The nurse could barely see his overly baggy T-shirt beneath all of the heavy-duty blingage draped around his neck, and she wondered how he could lift his fingers with those large gold and diamond rings. The nurse's gaze finally fell upon the man's face, which was so pale that it seemed it had never seen the sun.

Nurse White was rendered speechless by his interesting apparel.

"Whazzup, Nurse White?" the man asked, and the nurse noticed the grills that covered his teeth. She gaped with sudden recognition.

"Doctor Cullen?!" she gasped.

"It's Carlizzle, now," he replied.

"What _happened_ to you?"

"Well," he began, "I thought that the whole gorgeous supermodel doctor thing was so _old_, so I decided to switch things up a bit. I'm a _gangsta_ gorgeous supermodel doctor now."

The nurse said nothing. Several long moments passed as she slowly absorbed this new identity and the man formerly known as Carlisle began break dancing in front of her desk.

Luckily, Jasper happened to burst through the door, a panicked expression on his face. He glanced knowingly at Carlisle's break dancing form, then approached the nurse's desk.

"Am I too late?" he muttered urgently.

"For what?" the nurse asked, having finally found her voice.

"Every few years, a couple members of our family have a mental breakdown and cause mass mayhem. We're still not sure what triggers it, but if we let his condition continue, he will do something to contradict the very laws of nature," he explained.

"What do you think he's going to do?" the nurse wondered fearfully.

"I don't—"

"DANCE PARTY!" hollered the new and improved Carlizzle the Gangsta Doctor.

Flashing, colorful lights descended from the ceiling, and "Soulja Boy" began playing. A couple hundred people appeared out of nowhere, and Nurse White was amazed that so many could fit in the entire hospital, let alone this tiny front room. They all began dancing furiously.

"Oh, no," Jasper gasped. "It's starting. We have to stop this. _Now._"

"How?" the Nurse begged, desperately.

Two dance-offs and a conga line later, the room was mercifully vacant and quiet, Carlisle now tied up with some gauze bandages.

"Thank you so much for your help, Nurse White," Jasper smiled, shaking the nurse's hand.

"No, thank you," she replied. "Will he be alright?" she asked, glancing at Carlisle's listless form.

Jasper assessed his surrogate-father's condition. "He should be back to his normal self by tomorrow morning."

Jasper left, carrying Carlisle over his shoulder. Nurse White sagged in her chair, turning to look at the clock. It was several minutes past the end of her shift. She felt sorry for any poor soul who had to deal with those Cullens during those mental breakdowns of theirs.

Bella answered the door. It was the love of her life.

"Edward!" she squealed, attacking him with a hug. He simply stood there, dressed all in black, looking at her as if she wasn't there.

"If life is so fair, why do roses have thorns?" Edward speculated monotonously.

_Oh, no_, Bella thought. She ran to the phone to call Jasper; Edward had turned Goth.

THE END?

A/N: What did you think? This is my first FanFiction. Please review!


	2. Chapter 2

Twilight Stories

**A/N: Wow, I already have two reviews! Thank you so much! Oh, and I forgot to do this last chapter: DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight or the Fun Song. I'm just borrowing them for my own personal enjoyment.**

_Chapter 2_

_Previously on "Can Vampires Get Sugar High?"_

_Bella answered the door. It was the love of her life._

_"Edward!" she squealed, attacking him with a hug. He simply stood there, dressed all in black, looking at her as if she wasn't there._

_"If life is so fair, why do roses have thorns?" Edward speculated monotonously._

_Oh, no, Bella thought. She ran to the phone to call Jasper; Edward had turned Goth._

Why was Edward Goth? Why was he wearing black clothes covered in chains and skulls?

Bella quickly dialed Jasper's cell number and held the phone to her ear. He picked up after the first ring.

"Hello?"

"Jasper, it's Bella."

"Hey, Bella. Are you alright? You sound upset."

"I'm fine. It's—Edward, stay away from my eye liner!"

"What was that, Bella?" asked Jasper, uncomprehendingly.

"Jasper, I don't know how, but Edward is acting completely Goth. He's not smiling, he's wearing dark clothing, and now he's trying to get into my dark eye makeup!"

"Calm down, Bella," Jasper said calmly. "Edward is just having a mental breakdown. It's not serious, but we need to cure him before he gets any worse."

She checked to make sure that Edward was still with her—physically, at least, since his mind was obviously somewhere else—and saw that he was busying himself covering all of the windows with black fabric and turning off all lights, igniting a few candles that appeared out of nowhere.

"What do I need to do?" Bella whispered into the phone, hoping Edward wouldn't hear.

"Stay there and make sure he doesn't leave. I'm on my way." There was a click as Jasper hung up the phone.

Keep Edward _here_? Charlie was on his way home from work, and would be expecting dinner soon. What could she do to contain a depressed vampire while keeping him out of sight of her father?

"Bella, where do you keep your blood?" Edward asked, finally acknowledging Bella's presence.

"Um, Edward," Bella began, beginning to feel irritated. "I don't drink blood. If you weren't so stubborn about not changing me, I would be, but since I am not, there is not any blood in this house." Bella thought it would be best not to remind him that she herself was filled with blood; she had a feeling that this new Goth Edward would probably use her blood in some creepy ritual.

Always arriving at the best times, Jasper walked through the door, Carlisle by his side. Once the poor doctor had gone hunting, he was fully cured of his "ailment." Without greeting Bella, Carlisle walked over to the corner of the room where Edward was moping and observed his condition for a few moments. He shook his head sadly, then walked over to where Jasper and Bella were waiting nervously.

"I know what we need to do to cure him," said Carlisle. "But it won't be pretty." He got out his giant boom box (because, of course, no vampire is caught un-dead without his boom box) and hit play.

_F is for friends who do stuff together,_

_U is for you and me,_

_N is for anywhere at anytime at all…_

Edward heard the music and recoiled. His depressed ears couldn't take this cheerfulness. The music grew louder and louder. He could no longer stand it.

"Make it stop!" he screamed, holding his hands to his ears. Bella longed to rush to his side and comfort him, but Jasper held her back.

After several minutes of the Fun Song, Edward simply lay on the ground, panting. He then sat up, looking around the room, as though seeing it for the first time. His eyes met Bella's.

"Bella," he asked, "what just happened?"

She hugged him tightly as Carlisle answered, "You have just suffered a mental breakdown of a type that is exclusive to vampires. No one is sure what causes it, and it is usually easy to cure, but if we had waited any longer, nothing would have stopped you from staying that way forever."

Bella shuddered, turning Edward's attention to her. "Bella, my love, I am so sorry. I had no idea what I was doing."

"It wasn't your fault," she replied, simply glad to have her Edward back, and hoping that there would not be any more breakdowns anytime soon.

Meanwhile, back at the Cullen home…

**A/N: Cliff hanger! I will try to write Chapter 3 by tomorrow night. Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter 3_

**A/N: I'm sorry I haven't updated in a few days. I've had a busy week. Anyway, here's the next chapter!**

_Previously on Can Vampires Get Sugar High?_

_Meanwhile, back at the Cullen home…_

Alice, Esme, and Rosalie had just returned from a hunting trip in the nearby forest. Rosalie set her coat on the back of a chair, looking around the house for her darling Emmett. He was sitting on the couch, watching a football game, but he didn't look very interested in it.

"Hello, Emmett!" shouted Rosalie, rushing to his side.

"Rosalie! How was your trip?" said Emmett, giving her a quick peck on the cheek.

"Wonderful. We went to the same place you boys went last week. You were right. The animals do taste good." The boys had gone on a typical hunting trip in the closest forest, and they had noticed that the game had begun to taste better, stronger, and…_sweeter_ somehow. Whatever the cause, the Cullen boys loved it.

"Where are Jasper, Carlisle, and Edward?" Esme asked from the other side of the room, immediately noticing the lack of the usual wrestling, arguing, and fighting that she usually had to clean up after.

"I'm not sure," replied Emmett. "I think Edward went to Bella's, and then Jasper got a call and left, taking Carlisle with him. I don't know where they went."

A buzzing sound came from Esme's pocket and she took out her vibrating cell phone.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Esme, It's Carlisle."

"Hello," she said, with more enthusiasm. "Where are you?"

"Jasper, Edward, and I are at Bella's house. Everyone's fine, but Edward is now recovering from a mental breakdown, like the one I had the other day." His voice seemed to weaken slightly at the mention of his incident. He was still highly embarrassed about the whole affair. "Anyway, Edward and Bella are still a little shaken, so we're bringing the both of them back to the house while I try to find out what's causing these…issues."

"I would love for Bella to come over!" exclaimed Esme, who obviously thought of Bella as one of her children.

Within fifteen minutes, the entire Cullen family was sitting in the living room, with the exception of Carlisle, who, as promised, was in his super secret upstairs vampire laboratory (Every blood-sucking doctor has one) studying this new disease of theirs. Bella was sitting on the couch close to Edward, who was stroking her hair. Everything was quiet and calm…

Until Rosalie started squirming.

_What?_ Vampires don't need to squirm. They can sit still for days on end and never get tired! Why was Rosalie moving as if she was sitting on an anthill?

"Rosalie?" asked Emmett. "Are you alright?"

"Of course I'm fine," she grumbled, fidgeting some more. "I'm just a bit uncomfortable, that's all."

The room became quiet and tense for several minutes. Rosalie got an upset frown on her face. "I can't sit still!" she cried. "I'm going to the garage to work on my car."

She left for the garage just as Carlisle was making his way down the stairs.

"I've found out what's wrong!" Carlisle shouted, holding two sealed vials, filled with dark reddish liquid. The rest of the Cullens and Bella gathered around him. "I took some blood samples from some deer where we recently hunted. This other sample is from a forest a couple hundred miles from here. Edward, can you smell a difference between the two?"

Edward took the vials and smelled each one, his topaz eyes widening with a realization. "This first one smells a lot like sugar," he said incredulously, returning the vials to Carlisle. "Why is that?"

"Their blood sugar is different. The animals we've been hunting have consumed a lot more sugar, and made their levels incredibly high; that's why they tasted so good. I tried to find out where all of the sugar was coming from; apparently, a small pastry factory a little ways upstream lost a lot of baking supplies, mostly sugar, when they fell in the river."

"But how does that affect our behavior?" asked Alice.

"I'm not quite sure," responded Carlisle, "but I believe that we are experiencing a reaction similar, but much more extreme, than what humans have after ingesting large amounts of sugar; they become extremely hyperactive, then experience a crash. We do not necessarily become hyper, but our personalities drastically change for a short period of time, then we revert back to normal. Basically, we're sugar high."

A long pause followed this statement. Was that even possible? _Can _vampires get sugar high? Questions swirled through everyone's minds.

"Uh oh," said Emmett suddenly.

"What is it?" asked Esme, looking incredibly worried.

"Rosalie," he replied. "She was acting strange earlier, and then she went to the garage. I think she may be getting sugar high." His voice sounded stunned, as if he was still trying to absorb this startling new revelation. "I'm going to go check on her." He left. All of the vampires waited, hoping that nothing was wrong with Rosalie. Emmett ran back into the room.

"She's not there! She must have run off, because her car is still there, but she did leave this note." He held out a sheet of paper in his hand and gave it to Carlisle, looking grim.

He read aloud: "Dear Family, I can't take it any longer. Our way of life is wrong and I refuse to live like this. I will miss all of you, and I hope that we may meet again someday. I now begin my life as a true vegan, because I cannot stand the idea of harming animals for our own selfish gain. I am also joining an environmentalist group, because I have learned to embrace the beauty of nature in addition to my own extraordinary beauty. See you later, Rosalie-the-Environmentalist/Vegan."

Wow.

**A/N: Hi! Did you like it? This one was just filler. We'll see more sugar high in the next chapter, I promise. Please review. Happy Halloween!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I have no excuse for not writing for several MONTHS. I can, however, say that I have finished the story and will post all of the chapters in very quick succession. Now, on with the story!**

They found Rosalie on a large stage in front of a crowd of several thousand people, clearly immersed in the excitement of the moment. Nobody knew how she managed how to draw a crowd this massive on short notice, considering the town's population was only about 3000. What was even more shocking was Rosalie's behavior.

"Fur is murder!" Rosalie cried. "Save the rainforest! Animals are people too!" The crowd cheered, raising their signs and banners in agreement with each new slogan. Clearly, Rosalie had discovered her inner tree-hugger, and was now drawing others to her cause.

The rest of the Cullens stood at the back of the crowd, jaws dropped. None of them wanted to approach the crazed blonde.

"And furthermore," Rosalie continued, making eye contact with each audience member in turn, "it is vitally important that-ooohh, Emmett! Get your butt up here!" She had spied her husband.

As his moral support ignored his plight, Emmett made his way to the stage. It was not until he was right next to Rosalie that he realized that she was not wearing makeup, her feet were clad in sandals made from old tires, and she wore a green shirt with a panda on the front. Panda Girl dragged Emmett to the microphone.

"So, Emmett," she began, "please explain to these people that animals deserve the same respect as humans and that anyone who kills or eats animals should burn in hell!" The crowd roared.

Emmett covered the microphone. "But Rose, honey, _we_ kill animals. _And_ eat them. All the time. We're vampires, remember?"

"Not anymore," she replied. "I've realized the error of my ways." She turned to the crowd and shouted, "Eat tofu!"

A tray of tofu was placed in front of Rosalie. To Emmett's great surprise, she took a piece, slowly chewed it, and swallowed it. The crowd cheered in response,

Emmett had had enough. He slung his deranged wife over his shoulder, caveman style. He began to approach the edge of the stage, hesitated, and then, returned to the microphone.

"THIS IS SPARTA!" He shouted, and then bounded his way off the stage, wife in tow.

Three hours later, the Cullens and Bella were sitting around the living room, discussing the day's events.

"Well," Carlisle said, "At least we know now what the early warning signs are,"

"And what the possible consequences are," groaned Emmett, glancing up the stairs. He flinched as he heard more retching noises coming from the bathroom.

Only the vampires in the room could hear Rosalie's muttered complaint: "Tofu."


	5. Chapter 5

"In other news, an environmentalist rally ended abruptly this afternoon, as its leader, Rosalie Hale, was dragged off the stage. Witnesses claimed that…"

The newscaster droned on and on about the day's events. Rosalie, having sufficiently recovered from the tofu, was resting her head on Emmett's shoulder. Jasper, with Alice on his lap, was Emmett's other side. The overall atmosphere was laid back.

Suddenly, Alice got that faraway look for several tense seconds. She blinked, and in a split second, perched herself on the back of the couch, her arms wrapped around Emmett's head.

"What the-" Emmett stuttered.

"Oh no," Carlisle cried, standing. "Alice's blood sugar levels must be rising!"

"No, I'm not sugar high," Alice cried, never once loosening her vice-like grip on Emmett's ginormous cranium. "It's Emmett. I just had a vision. He's going to turn on us!"

"What?" asked Emmett, skeptical. "No I'm not! And be careful! You might knock over Esme's vase!"

Within two minutes, all of the Cullens were piled on top of Emmett, having realized the extent of Emmett's insanity.

"Why won't you get off of me?" he cried. "Can't you see that the TV could explode at any second? And be careful with this carpet! You could inhale the microscopic fibers, which could lodge themselves in your lungs so that you stop breathing, and then you die!"

"Emmett, for the last time, vampires don't need to breathe," said Edward, who happened to be restraining Emmett's legs.

"And even if we did, this much dust wouldn't suffocate us," added Carlisle, who held Emmett's right arm.

Suddenly the doorbell rang. This surprised the Cullens, because all of their super vampire hearing had been directed at their troubled brother.

"Hello?" came a voice from outside. "Edward? Are you here?"

Before Edward could respond to Bella (for it was she), Emmett yelled, "No Bella! Don't touch the door! It's too dangerous! The doorknob could explode and a piece of shrapnel could penetrate your skull and you could die!"

"Ha ha, very funny, Emmett," commented Bella as she nudged the door open.

"It's not a joke!" Declared Emmett. "And what are you doing, walking through that door? You could trip on the rug and crack open your skull!"

"Emmett, quit worrying," said Edward. "I'm sure Bella isn't clumsy enough to—on second thought…" Edward flew to the door, picked Bella up bridal style, carried her to the couch, and returned to Emmett.

"See?" Emmett shouted. "At least Edward acknowledges how dangerous rugs can be."

It was then that Bella fully understood the situation. "Oh, I see. Emmett is sugar high?" She stood up to get a closer look. "I suppose Emmett _would_ react this way, considering his blatant lack of caution when he's—oof!" She had tripped over her foot and now lay splayed on the floor.

"Bella, are you all right?" cried Edward.

"I'm fine," Bella mumbled as she sat up.

Alice's eyes widened. She then turned to Bella and said, "Bella, could you please do that again?"

"What, fall down?" asked Edward, incredulous.

"Yes," stated Alice.

"Oookay," said Bella. She then took one step forward and fell spectacularly. Alice looked at Emmett for a reaction. Emmett said nothing.

Carlisle gasped. "Of course!" he realized. "Watching Bella fall down will make Emmett's humorous self overcome his cautious self. Brilliant!"

So, over the next hour, to Edward's dismay, Bella tripped, slipped, slid, and crashed. With each new fall, Emmett's warnings became less and less frequent. Finally, Emmett stopped struggling.

"Thanks Bella," said Emmett dazedly.

"No problem," groaned Bella, clutching her head.

The group rested for a while, glad that the crisis was averted, albeit very painfully on Bella's part. After a while, Alice broke the silence.

"Uh, guys," she said, "Where did Jasper go?"


	6. Chapter 6

Jasper lifted a daisy to his nose and inhaled deeply, smiling. He had never realized how lovely nature was; how warm the sun's rays were, how vibrant the colors in the forest were, and how soothing the gentle breeze felt on his diamond-hard face. He braided a daisy chain and placed it on his head like a crown. He had already discarded the designer clothes that Alice had picked out for him, and was now wearing a new brightly colored summer ensemble. His feet were bare. He heaved a deep sigh; nothing could ruin this moment.

This is what the Cullens walked in on once they had followed Jasper's scent to a secluded meadow. Jasper greeted them each with a flower and a smile.

"Isn't today wonderful? How great is it to just be _alive?_" declared jasper, skipping is way around the meadow as he did so.

"Jasper, honey," began Alice tentatively. "You're sugar high, remember? We need to get you back to the house."

"Never!" cried Jasper. He started spinning in a circle. "I have embraced nature and I plan to spend the rest of my existence appreciating the beauty of the world! In fact, you should all join me!"

The Cullens weren't expecting that. None of the others had felt so strong about their insanity. And, unfortunately for them, Jasper was the only one with the power to influence them to see things his way. Most of them recognized his emotional influences and resisted, but Alice embraced the cheerfulness that emanated from Jasper.

"You're right, Jazzy," she said. She tore off her shoes and tossed them behind her.

"Ow!" exclaimed Bella as a petite shoe hit her in the face. "I think I chipped a tooth!"

While Edward rushed to Bella's aid, the remaining sane vampires converged on Alice and Jasper, who were simultaneously spinning and singing "I'm Walking on Sunshine".

After a long, vicious struggle, not only physical, but against Jasper empathetic powers as well, Carlisle and Emmett were dragging the two insane ones by their feet back to the mansion. After being forced to sit through all two hours of "The Pursuit of Happiness". All of the vampires were completely back to normal. Or rather, as normal as a family of vegetarian vampires could be. Bella's teeth were just fine, despite Edward's fussing, and Alice was the most strongly affected by the sugar rush; she flew to New York for a two-week shopping spree.

Carlisle isolated the area with the animals with the high blood sugar, and had the family hunt as far away from there as possible. There would be no more sugary accidents; the crisis was over.


	7. Epilogue

Bella pulled up to a stoplight in her crummy old Chevy. Her eyes wandered over to the motorcyclist next to her. She wore a leather vest, shredded jeans, and thick boots. A red bandana was tied around her head, and on her right bicep was a tattoo of a skull on a bed of thorns. She turned to face Bella, pulled off her shades and grinned. Bella gasped. It was Esme.

The End?

A/N: Well, that's about it for this story. Please let me know if you have any ideas for me for the future! Thanks for reading!


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